Nov 8, 2024
As mums, we often carry an immense weight. From the moment we become pregnant, the responsibility of bringing a new life into the world is profound. That weight only grows as we become deeply concerned with our children’s health, well-being, education, and happiness. It’s a heavy burden to feel responsible for who our children become.
But here’s where we must shift our focus: the most important life we need to care for is our own. When we look after our well-being, it has a ripple effect, naturally benefiting our children. Our emotional, physical, and mental health plays a significant role in shaping the environment in which they grow. This doesn’t mean we give less time or attention to them — instead, it means offering them our best, healthiest selves. Here are five mindful practices that can help mums feel calmer, more connected, and better equipped to navigate the daily demands of parenthood.
- Nurture Yourself as You Nurture Them
Taking care of ourselves as mums isn’t about putting ourselves first or neglecting our children — it’s about doing both at the same time. Our self-care happens in tandem with the care we provide for our children. As we give them our time, energy, and love, we simultaneously nourish our own well-being. It’s not a matter of a shared experience.
When you hug your child, feel the warmth and comfort of that hug for yourself too. When you teach them valuable life lessons, let those moments of connection fulfil you as well. Parenting becomes an opportunity for growth and healing for both you and your child. By loving ourselves in the very act of nurturing them, we build a sense of calm, joy, and balance that benefits everyone. This mindful approach allows us to offer them our healthiest, most present selves without losing sight of our own needs.
2. Embrace Playfulness and Joy with Your Children
We sometimes forget the childlike curiosity, playfulness, and joy we once had. Our children can be wonderful mirrors, reminding us to reconnect with these qualities. Laugh with them, be goofy, and rediscover the sense of wonder you had as a child. Engaging with your children in this way not only strengthens your bond but also allows you to experience the joy of living in the moment.
It’s about pausing and embracing the present, which in turn helps you feel calmer. Remember, your children are not only learning from your guidance but also from how you live your life. Show them that it’s okay to prioritise joy, even amid life’s challenges.
3. Cultivate Calmness Through Acceptance and Gratitude
One of the most powerful ways to cultivate calmness is through acceptance. We often feel stressed when we resist the present moment. But by embracing where we are now and who we are today, we can release a significant amount of mental and emotional weight.
Gratitude also plays a key role in this. Shift your focus from what’s missing to what’s working in your life. Be grateful for the unique qualities your children bring, and cherish the little moments that make up your days together. Acceptance and gratitude don’t just reduce stress—they also remind you that you’re doing enough, and so are your children.
4. Release Control and Let Go of Expectations
One of the biggest sources of stress for mums is the desire to control outcomes. We want to ensure that everything is perfect for our children, but the truth is, there are countless variables beyond our control. The more we cling to the idea of managing every detail, the heavier the emotional load becomes.
We can’t control what happens around us, but we can control our reactions and make choices that align with our values. Letting go of rigid expectations allows us to experience a sense of freedom and lightness, which can be transformative not only for us but for our children as well.
No two children are the same and it’s essential to celebrate their individuality. Trying to mold them into a version of what we think they should be only suppresses their unique talents and authentic self. Encourage their individuality, because the world needs people who are true to themselves, bringing their unique gifts into society. When we stop trying to shape them into a predefined version of happiness, they feel more free and we feel more peace.
5. Communicate Openly and Authentically with Your Children
One of the simplest, yet often overlooked, ways to strengthen family connections is through honest and open communication. Share your thoughts, feelings, and challenges with your children—not just in relation to them, but also about your life in general. This encourages them to open up as well.
However, this isn’t about giving lectures or imposing your worldview. Instead, ask them questions and listen intently. Through authentic conversations, you’re creating a space where they feel valued and respected. Let go of judgment and expectation, you’ll discover new depths to your relationships with your children.
A final thought
Parenting doesn’t have to be about perfection or control. It’s about striving to guide our children with wisdom, not worry. When we embrace this approach, we not only ease our own stress but also create a nurturing environment where our children can flourish and grow into their authentic selves. You’ll all thrive in an environment filled with love, support, and understanding, rather than fear or expectation.
By Lorena Bernal
This article was published in The Irish Independent
Nov 8, 2024
Parenting can be a deeply rewarding experience, but it can also be overwhelming at times. When stress starts to build up, it’s not uncommon for parents to feel exhausted, frustrated, and at their limit. But here’s the important part: this stress isn’t coming from your children themselves—it’s from the life pressures and expectations we place on ourselves. Your kids deserve to experience the best of you—the parent who admires, loves, and enjoys their time with them. They are not meant to bear the burden of your stress.
Much of the stress parents face comes from juggling responsibilities, such as managing a household, financial concerns, work pressures, or navigating marital challenges. It might also stem from fears about our children not meeting the expectations we’ve unconsciously set for them, worrying they won’t become who we think they’re supposed to be. Whatever the source, it’s vital to calm ourselves so that we don’t project this stress onto our kids. The calmer you are, the more your children will reflect that peace, allowing them to develop emotionally, socially, and academically.
Here are five simple exercises that can help you shift out of stress and into a state of happiness and calm.
1. Organise Your Time
Whether you’re naturally organised or not, it’s essential to carve out dedicated time for your children exclusively. This could be during activities, mealtimes, bedtime routines, or even watching TV together. The key is to be present during these moments, just being with them. Let go of whatever stress you’re carrying, and focus entirely on being with your kids. This isn’t about having perfect experiences, but simply enjoying their company without expectations. Being truly present helps you and your children bond in a deeper, more meaningful way.
2. Reflect on the Root of Your Stress
Take time to sit with yourself in silence, reflecting on where your stress is coming from. Is it financial concerns? Work pressures? A fear of not doing enough? By identifying these sources, you can begin to address them with a calmer mindset. Remind yourself that you are doing your best, and that’s enough. When we act with good intentions, things often work out as they should. Trust yourself.
3. Release Unrealistic Expectations
We all carry a mental image of how things should be—whether it’s about our marriage, our children, our jobs, or even our own bodies. But living under the weight of those expectations can prevent you from enjoying the life you already have. Take a moment to appreciate what’s good in your life right now. No life is perfect, but every life has moments of joy and beauty. Let go of perfection and choose gratitude instead.
4. Do More of What You Love
Rediscover activities that bring you joy, and if possible, involve your children. When they see you engaging in something you love, whether it’s a sport, cooking, or even doing puzzles, they’ll be inspired by your enthusiasm. This not only nurtures your own happiness but strengthens your connection with your children as they witness and share in your passion. Embrace your talents and let them shine, even in small moments.
Conclusion
Parenting is a beautiful journey, but it’s also a demanding one. By incorporating these self-care strategies, you can release the stress that weighs you down, allowing you to be more present and joyful with your children. Remember, your children don’t need a perfect parent—they just need you, fully present and real
By Lorena Bernal
This article was published in Parenting without Tears.
Sep 30, 2024
Goal setting and keeping good habits
Setting goals and maintaining good habits can be incredibly rewarding, but it requires thoughtful planning and self-awareness. When setting a goal—whether it’s losing weight, eating healthier, becoming more disciplined, or waking up earlier—it’s essential to start with a clear plan. Consider how you want to achieve this goal, the steps you’ll need to take, how long you think it will take, and visualise the outcome. Envisioning the moment you achieve your goal can be a powerful motivator throughout the journey.
A key factor in setting sustainable goals is understanding the underlying reason behind them. If your motivation stems from seeking validation or impressing others, you may find the process draining and unsustainable in the long run. However, if your goal is rooted in a commitment to yourself—such as wanting to take better care of your health, set a positive example for your children, or become an inspiration to others—you are more likely to stay consistent and find fulfilment in the process.
If you’re concerned about your ability to stick to the plan or feel that your willpower might waver, consider partnering with someone. This could be a trainer, a coach, or even a friend who shares a similar goal. Having someone else involved can provide accountability and support, making it easier to stay on track.
It’s important to acknowledge that maintaining good habits consistently over a long period can be very challenging. You need to have a deep desire for the results and be certain that they are vital to your well-being. If long-term consistency feels overwhelming, it can be helpful to break your goal into shorter-term commitments. For example, you might decide to focus on a habit for one month, or set a goal from Monday to Friday, or aim to maintain it until the Christmas season. This approach allows you to reassess and adjust as needed, making the process feel more manageable.
Honesty with yourself is crucial. Be clear about what you want, why you want it, how you plan to achieve it, and how long you’re committed to working toward it. Writing down your goals, sharing them with others, and regularly reviewing your progress can help reinforce your commitment and keep you motivated.
Reset our friendships and relationships
Close friendships and relationships often don’t require a formal reset—they naturally ebb and flow with the rhythms of life, adapting to the changes and challenges you go through together or in parallel. These connections are built on a foundation of mutual understanding and support, which allows them to thrive without needing a break. However, for relationships that aren’t as close or have been distant due to the busy and intense summer months, a reset might be beneficial.
The first step in resetting a relationship is to reconnect—seeing the person and catching up in person is a great way to reestablish your connection. Before doing so, take some time to evaluate the friendship or relationship. Ask yourself if it’s worth continuing to invest your time and energy. Consider what truly brings you together. If there is genuine love and a deep connection, it will be easier to rekindle the relationship.
When you do reconnect, focus on sharing your experiences from the time apart. Discuss what has changed in your lives, share your future goals, and express what you hope for in this new chapter. This mutual exchange can help reset the clock, allowing the relationship to evolve and grow in a way that’s aligned with your current lives.
Ultimately, a successful reset is about ensuring that your relationships continue to bring value and joy to your life. It’s about being intentional with your time and energy, nurturing the connections that matter most, and letting go of those that no longer serve you. By approaching your friendships and relationships with honesty and care, you can ensure they remain healthy and fulfilling as you move forward.
Give ourselves a better work-life balance
Before setting goals to improve your work-life balance, it’s essential to reflect on your priorities. I often remind people that if, by some chance, you were no longer here tomorrow, your workplace would likely find a replacement within days. However, your family—your children, parents, and loved ones—could never replace you. This perspective highlights that your primary focus should be on investing time and energy in the relationships and activities that fill your life with love, as this love is what keeps you healthy, both mentally and physically, and makes life truly worth living.
That said, work is a necessary part of life, and balancing it with your personal life requires thoughtful planning. The first goal should be to maintain this awareness of your priorities. Keep in mind what truly matters most to you as you set boundaries and create routines. For example, decide that once you step into your home, work stays at the door. Commit to not checking your phone or emails when you’re with your children, spouse, or friends. This allows you to be fully present, cherishing the moment and the people around you when you’re not working.
When you are working, aim to be focused and productive, so that you can maximise your efficiency during work hours. By being intentional with your time, you can create a clearer separation between work and personal life, which is crucial for maintaining balance.
It’s important to recognise that achieving a perfect balance between work and life can be challenging, and it won’t always be a 50/50 split. Your balance might be 20/80, 60/40, or some other ratio, depending on the demands of your life at any given time. The key is to ensure that whatever time you allocate to each area, you are fully present and invested in that moment, without letting your mind wander elsewhere.
To support this balance, it’s helpful to communicate your plans and boundaries clearly with both your colleagues and your family. Let them know your intentions so they can help tailor and support these goals, ensuring that everyone is on the same page and can respect your need for balance.
By setting these goals and maintaining a strong awareness of your priorities, you can create a work-life balance that not only supports your career but also nurtures the relationships and activities that bring true fulfilment to your life.
Start creating a healthier lifestyle: Small changes can people start doing to exercise more or eat better
In today’s world, we are bombarded with advice on health and longevity, often conflicting and not always tailored to our individual needs. The first and most important step in creating a healthier lifestyle is to learn to listen to your body. Take the time to pause, breathe, and truly scan your body. Ask yourself what your body is trying to tell you—does it want you to stop certain eating habits, reduce drinking, or start moving more? Often, we develop the habit of ignoring these signals, but your body communicates its needs for a reason. If you continue to ignore it, your body may start showing signs of distress, and we certainly want to avoid that, as it can lead to illness.
If making significant changes feels overwhelming, start small. Remember that we are part of nature, and just like any other living organism, we thrive on the essentials: water, sunlight, fresh air, rest, movement, laughter, and love. Conversely, we suffer from toxins, disconnection, prolonged exposure to artificial light and air, and a sedentary lifestyle. Any small step you take toward nurturing your health and distancing yourself from what harms it is a positive change.
One practical way to begin is by using your senses more fully. Smell the fresh air and flowers, listen to the sounds of nature, touch and connect with your loved ones, and engage with the world around you. Take time to notice the colours, the faces and expressions of those around you, and the energy of your environment. The more you immerse yourself in the natural world, the more grounded and healthy you will feel.
Also, strive to reduce your reliance on artificial realities—limit screen time, avoid substances that take you out of the present moment, and instead, focus on breathing more deeply, pausing more often, and allowing yourself to move at a slower, more mindful pace.
These small changes—listening to your body, reconnecting with nature, using your senses more fully, and stepping away from artificial distractions—can create a profound shift in your overall health and well-being. By gradually incorporating these practices into your daily life, you’ll find yourself on a path to a healthier, more balanced lifestyle.
By Lorena Bernal
This article was used in The Independent UK Newspaper
Sep 30, 2024
As parents, we often find ourselves pulled in many directions—especially during those chaotic mornings getting the kids ready for school. But what if I told you there’s a way to transform that hectic rush into a moment of connection and peace? This is where mindfulness can become a powerful ally. Mindfulness, at its core, means being present in the moment, fully immersed in the now. It’s about letting go of the distractions of what happened yesterday or the anxieties of tomorrow and simply being with what is.
When we’re with our children, however, being in the moment isn’t always easy. We’re often caught up in thoughts of what we need to teach them, how we want them to behave, or what we’re afraid they might do wrong. We’re so focused on the future—on ensuring they become disciplined, organised, and successful—that we forget to just be with them in the here and now. And when they don’t meet these expectations, our fears can surface, leading to stress, frustration, and that all-too-familiar feeling of losing our temper. This can feel especially intense during moments like the school run, where time is tight, and everyone seems to be moving in slow motion.
But what if there was another way to approach these moments? What if, instead of rushing through the motions, we could bring a sense of calm, presence, and connection to the school run? Here are five mindful steps to help transform your mornings from stressful to serene.
1. Prepare with Intention the Night Before
Mindfulness begins well before the school run starts. Setting yourself and your children up for success the night before can make mornings smoother and more enjoyable. This could mean encouraging your kids to pack their school bags, lay out their clothes, and even set their alarms on their own. If they learn to be more independent, they’ll feel a sense of ownership over their routines.
It’s easy to feel stressed when you’re doing everything for them. So, allow them the space to take responsibility. Keep essentials—shoes, jackets, backpacks—by the door, and consider setting timers for breakfast or getting out of the house. Turn it into a game that everyone can follow. These practical steps are important, but remember, how you approach them is key. If your mind is already in the future, worrying about potential delays or missed deadlines, your stress will be contagious.
And here’s an important part: this time is for your children. Don’t rush the school run worrying about being late to work, the gym, or a meeting. Once your children walk through those school gates, your time begins. But the time you’re with them is theirs—allow it to be fully dedicated to them.
2. Release the Need for Perfection
As parents, there’s often an unspoken pressure to do everything just right. We want our children to be punctual, disciplined, and organised, and we measure our own success by these standards. But here’s the truth: if things don’t go according to plan, it doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent. Sometimes, life moves slower than we’d like, and that’s okay.
Release the fear of things going wrong. If your child is late, they’ll face the natural consequences at school. This isn’t a reflection of your abilities as a parent but rather an opportunity for them to learn responsibility. Mindful parenting is about trusting the process and embracing the messiness of life without judgment.
Remember, there is nothing to fear. No matter how much we stress, no matter what we do, our children will eventually grow up and navigate their lives in their own way. They’ll carry with them the joy or the stress of these moments—not the outcome of whether they were late once or twice. Give them joy instead of stress.
3. Create Space for Joy in the Chaos
It’s easy to get caught up in the rush and forget to enjoy the precious moments with your children. The early mornings, sleepy faces, and shared time together are fleeting—they grow up faster than we realise. Rather than dreading the hustle of getting them out the door, shift your mindset to gratitude. You are experiencing a chapter of your life that, though challenging, is filled with moments you’ll miss one day.
Take a deep breath. Smile at your child, even when they’re dragging their feet. Be present with them in these tiny moments, and see if it doesn’t shift the energy of the entire morning.
4. Be Flexible, Not Rigid
Every morning is different. Some days your kids might be up and ready before you are, while other days they might feel sluggish, emotional, or unmotivated. Avoid labelling them as “lazy” or “forgetful.” Instead, meet them where they are each day with fresh eyes. When we label our children based on past behaviour, we limit their potential to grow and change.
Similarly, allow enough time in the morning for everything, but don’t over-plan. Too much time can lead to boredom, while too little can create panic. Adjust as necessary, without being too attached to any single routine. This flexibility will reduce stress and allow for a more harmonious morning.
5. Let Go So They Can Step Up
When we, as parents, care too much, we often unknowingly take on all the responsibility, leaving our children to rely on us for everything. But if we can release some of that control, our children will step up to the plate. By letting go of micromanaging every detail, you give your kids the chance to take responsibility for their actions.
It’s important to remember that this process takes time. Your children won’t become perfect at getting ready overnight, and that’s okay. Be patient with them and with yourself. Don’t judge yourself when they make mistakes, and don’t panic when things don’t go smoothly. Just like any skill, learning independence takes time and consistency.
Balance is key. You don’t want them to feel abandoned, but rather empowered to take on their own morning routine. This not only fosters independence but also helps reduce the emotional weight we carry as parents.
Mindful Moments During the School Run
Once everyone’s out the door, the school run itself can be a mindful experience. There’s no need for forced conversation if everyone’s craving silence. Sometimes, playing a favourite playlist of songs can turn the drive into something your children look forward to. This small ritual can lower tension and create a sense of calm and joy.
After school, resist the urge to interrogate. Let them unwind and process their day at their own pace. Instead of peppering them with questions, share a little about your own day. Allow the conversation to flow naturally, without pressure. By doing so, you create a safe and open space for them to connect without feeling overwhelmed.
In Closing: Mindfulness is About Presence, Not Perfection
Mindful parenting doesn’t mean you’ll have perfectly calm mornings every day—it’s not about perfection, but about being present. It’s about embracing every part of the journey without judgment, whether it’s a peaceful drive or a chaotic scramble out the door. And most importantly, it’s about staying connected with your children in each of these moments, no matter how small.
Every school run is an opportunity to practice being in the now. So take a deep breath, release the need for everything to go perfectly, and enjoy the moments you have with your children. They’ll be grown before you know it. And when they look back, they won’t remember whether they were always on time or perfectly organised—they’ll remember the joy or the stress. Choose joy.
By Lorena Bernal
Article published in Motherhood The Real Deal magazine (UK)
Sep 30, 2024
In the midst of our fast-paced professional lives, many of us pause to ask: Are we truly happy? Are we fulfilled, at peace with the work we do, and the lives we lead? These are profound questions that deserve attention, not just as fleeting thoughts but as ongoing reflections in our personal and professional development.
Achieving happiness at work is not just about hitting targets or getting promotions; it’s about creating a meaningful balance between who we are and what we do. It requires knowing our “why,” embracing the journey, and finding harmony between personal fulfilment and professional success.
Know Your Why: Understanding Your Motivation
There is always a reason behind the job you’re doing right now. But have you taken the time to truly reflect on your “why”? Is it financial necessity, an opportunity you stumbled into, or a role you’re passionate about? Perhaps it’s a chance to serve others or an opportunity for personal growth.
Whatever the reason, it’s important to make peace with your decision. Reflect deeply and ask yourself: Is this what I want to do forever? Is this what I am meant to do? Sometimes, the answers come as an inner voice or a gut feeling, subtly guiding you in the right direction. Understanding your “why” grounds you and gives clarity, whether you decide to stay on your current path or make a change. Without this reflection, we run the risk of working on autopilot, disconnected from our deeper purpose.
Professional Success Doesn’t Equal Personal Fulfilment
Success in the professional world is often measured in numbers, data, and achievements. But it’s important to remember that this kind of success doesn’t necessarily lead to personal fulfilment. Your job is something you do; it’s not who you are.
Sometimes, we mistake our professional achievements for personal worth. But fulfilment comes from understanding and embracing who we are beyond the confines of work. When you develop your personal self—connecting with your true desires, talents, and passions—you tap into a deeper sense of purpose. This, in turn, can guide your professional choices in ways that feel more aligned and meaningful. When you know yourself, you can find work that doesn’t just meet your goals but fulfils your being.
Embrace Every Step of the Journey
It’s easy to think that we’ll be fulfilled once we reach a certain point in our careers or achieve a particular goal. But the reality is, fulfilment isn’t found in the destination—it’s found in every step of the journey.
Sometimes, those steps don’t look like they’ll lead to where we want, but each experience plays a role in shaping who we are and where we’re headed. Even if your current job doesn’t feel like the “perfect fit,” it’s part of your personal and professional evolution. Trust that every experience, even those that seem misaligned with your ultimate goal, is teaching you something valuable.
There’s no such thing as a “good” or “bad” job in this context—only what is for you and what isn’t. Often, we need to go through what isn’t right to discover what is. Embrace this process with mindfulness, knowing that each step is part of your growth. In the meantime, you are living your life fully, no matter what stage you’re in.
The Importance of Mindfulness and Presence
Being mindful in your daily life, both at work and at home, is essential to finding balance and peace. It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of professional responsibilities and forget to be present in the moment. But taking time to truly appreciate where you are—whether with your kids, your partner, friends, or even in moments alone—reminds you of your inherent value and uniqueness outside of work.
Those around you see your worth as a human being, not as a job title or salary figure. They help remind you that work is a part of life, a way to serve, fulfil your potential, and express yourself, but it is not your whole life.
Aligning Your Work with Your Purpose
When we align our professional lives with our personal values and passions, work becomes more than a task—it becomes a natural extension of who we are. You will find that when you’re connected to your purpose, you no longer chase success; success comes as a byproduct of living your truth. This alignment leads to both personal and professional fulfilment, and the joy of simply doing what you love becomes enough in itself.
This journey often starts with small, internal shifts—setting goals that resonate with your heart, embracing mindfulness, and being aware of imposter syndrome. Trust in your abilities and the value you bring without comparing yourself with anyone else.
Practical Steps for a Balanced, Fulfilled Life
1. Reflect on Your Why: Take time to understand your motivations for doing the work you do. Make peace with your current situation, and let your heart guide you toward your future direction.
2. Embrace the Journey: Accept every step of your professional journey, even the detours, as part of your growth. There’s no rush to “arrive”—you are constantly evolving. There is really no where to ¨arrive¨ to as the end line eventually is exactly the same for all of us.
3. Practice Mindfulness: Be present in your daily life, both at work and outside of it. Mindfulness helps reduce stress and keeps you grounded in your purpose. Give your time the quality it deserves.
4. Reconnect with Loved Ones: Remember that your worth is not tied to your professional achievements. Spend quality time with the people who see your value as a person, not just as a professional. With people who love you and are eager to be loved by you.
5. Trust in Yourself: Combat imposter syndrome by recognising that your value comes from within. Trust your unique talents and strengths to guide you in the right direction. Forget about expectations and comparisons. You are you and if you are in this world it’s because this world needs you.
Conclusion: A Path to Happiness
Happiness at work is not found by achieving external milestones but by knowing your purpose, understanding your “why,” and embracing the journey. Balancing personal and professional development is the key to living a fulfilled, peaceful life where success flows naturally. When you align with who you are and what you truly want, both your career and personal life will feel more meaningful and joyful.
Embrace the journey, trust in your path, and know that true happiness comes not from what you achieve but from living authentically.
By Lorena Bernal
Article published in People Management
